Technical Difficulties
by songfire15
Summary: When higher ups are issued laptops, Roy finds that learning how to use them may prove to be difficult. Crack with a pinch of Royai.


**Technical Difficulties**

**Author: Songfire15**

**This was written years ago and I just recently decided to edit this into a much more humorous story. Thanks to Icearoundthemoon for being my beta!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or anything related thereof.**

"Roy? What in the world is that?"

Riza walked into the Colonel's office, her arms full of paperwork Roy needed to sign, approve, date or otherwise. Roy sat at his desk with his head buried into some technological _thing_ sitting in front of him. It looked like an oversized metal hair clip with a hinge and looked shiny and very expensive. A stack of paperwork from earlier that day sat idly to his left and appeared to not have been touched since she had dropped them off earlier that morning.

She walked up to the desk and set the newest stack of papers next to the first, then walked around the desk, ending up behind him. Roy turned his head towards her. She raised an eyebrow. "What in the world is that?" she repeated.

Roy gave an amused grin. "It's called a laptop, Lieutenant. All the higher ups are getting one and from what I can see, it's pretty cool," he said.

"What does it do exactly?" she asked skeptically.

Roy's grin immediately fell off his face, replaced with an expression of complete and utter confusion. "I'm not exactly sure, if you must know. I just got the thing today so I'm just playing around with it for now. The Fuehrer said they would make work go a lot faster and, no more paperwork."

Riza patted the stack of papers she had laid down. "Alright Sir, but you have two stacks of paperwork on your desk you need to do."

Roy glanced at the nearby wall clock. "Oh come on, Lieutenant. It's only twelve-thirty. I have until eighteen hundred hours to complete it. I'll be fine."

She shrugged. "If you say so. Just don't come crying to me when you have to scramble to get your work done."

"I'll only be on it for a while longer," he said assuredly.

"Alright then, Sir."

Roy looked up and nodded at Riza. Then, without blinking, turned his attention back to the laptop. Riza clicked her heels together with a salute then turned to head out of the office.

Roy's head lay on the keyboard of the laptop he had acquired. His black hair sprawled over the keys and his brows were furrowed irritably. He had only clicked on a small picture of a pretty woman. That action had not only caused some obscene site to pop-up, but also made the computer's screen go blue with some technological mumbo-jumbo scrawled over it. Then what? Nothing. A blank, empty screen.

The door to his office opened and Riza walked in with her trench coat hung loosely over her arm along with her purse clutched in her hand. Upon seeing the paperwork still untouched, she couldn't help but groan. This laptop was going to be a major pain if things remained like this. She gave a sigh and paced towards his desk. She passed his coat rack, stopping to grab Roy's coat, slinging it over hers.

"Sir, what's going on? And why isn't your paperwork finished?" she asked.

Roy sat up hearing her voice. His hair was askew and his eyes were clouded with frustration. He pointed a finger at the computer and ran a hand through his hair. "Nothing is going on; literally. This darn laptop died! I don't even know what I did. I clicked on a picture and then _whoosh_ the screen went black and now I can't do anything on it."

Riza raised an eyebrow. "Whoosh?"

"Yes, _whoosh_."

"I didn't know technological things had sound effects."

Roy frowned. "Come on, I'm exaggerating. But the thing truly did die on me. And about the paperwork-"

She pursed her lips. An all too familiar expression. "Uh huh?"

He put on an innocent smile, hoping to come up with a valid excuse for neglecting his paperwork. Whatever excuse he would manage to muster up, Riza probably wouldn't buy it for a penny, but he found no harm in trying. "You see, it wasn't long after you left that the computer died, and I wanted to try to see if I could fix it. But nothing I did seemed to work, honest," he said. He reached for his coat from her, sliding in one arm then the other. He began to button it up. Riza followed suit.

She slid one arm in the sleeve then tossed the coat over her shoulders. She sighed. "It died right after I left, huh? If you say so, Sir. Just don't put off your paperwork tomorrow or you'll hear it from the Fuehrer. And why not have Fuery take a look at it. He's good with all that technological stuff."

"That's a good idea. Thanks Hawkeye," he said with a genuine smile.

She returned the smile and straightened her jacket. "Not a problem, Sir."

He finished buttoning his jacket and lowered the top of the laptop to close it, sending one last glare in its direction before he stepped out from behind his desk. "Well, let's get going. It's late."

"I'm right behind you."

The sun was shining brightly as Roy entered Central Headquarters the next morning. A light wind blew in from the south, adding another aspect of heat to already warm morning. He had talked to Fuery the prior evening about trying to figure out what was causing his laptop to be so cantankerous and prayed the problem was able to be remedied. He entered his office and set down his brief case next to his desk. Sittin down in the cushioned chair, he opened the laptop. Maybe something would happen this time. Hopes high, he pushed the small power button near the top and waited for the screen to come to life. Two minutes went by and the screen remained inherently blank.

He closed the laptop and sighed. "I hope Fuery gets here soon," he mumbled. He swiped one of the papers from the first stack Riza had brought in yesterday and glanced over it. Maybe doing some paperwork would keep his mind off the computer. Twenty pages later, someone rapping at his office door caught his attention. He looked up and Riza stepped in, followed closely behind by Feury. "Thank goodness you're here," Roy stated exasperatedly. "Here it is. I have no idea what is wrong with it."

Riza quietly found her spot at her desk to begin her day's assignments while Feury began examining the laptop.

"I hope I can fix it for you, Sir," Fuery said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I'm not used to these new laptops but if it's anything like a radio or communication equipment, there shouldn't be a problem."

"I'm counting on you Fuery," Roy said. He sat back down and continued signing off on the numerous papers needing his mark.

Fuery took the computer off the desk and sat down on the floor, examining the computer a few minutes. After thoroughly looking over the laptop, he began working on the device.

Two hours had passed and the laptop had been taken apart, put back together, taken apart again differently, put back together minus a few pieces; everything having lead to a dead end. A few more attempts and another half an hour gone, Feury stopped. He walked up to the Colonel's desk and set the laptop in front of his superior dejectedly. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I just can't seem to figure out what the problem is," he said.

Roy glanced up from up from his desk and the stacks of paperwork around him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes Sir. I don't know what to tell you," Feury said.

Roy sighed. "That's quite alright Fuery. Thank you for trying."

Fuery nodded curtly. "Anytime, Sir."

Feury exited the room, leaving Roy and Riza to continue their duties. An hour had passed and Riza had finished her work half an hour ago. She allowed herself the amusement of watching the Colonel complete the paperwork from yesterday. She glanced from the Colonel over to the laptop sitting on the desk and smirked. Maybe it was a good thing the new piece of technology didn't work. Now the Colonel could focus on his formal duties without the distraction of some new piece of technology. Then she had a thought, a simple, sensible thought that might fix the computer. She figured she'd give him the benefit of the doubt. This time.

"Sir," she said, breaking the quietness of the room.

Roy continued signing a form and said, "Yes, Hawkeye?"

"Why don't you try using alchemy? You are an alchemist after all and isn't alchemy used to fixed things?"

Roy's head shot up at her words. Why hadn't he thought of that? He _was_ an alchemist so of course he could fix it! Sometimes he wondered how he survived without the Lieutenant. He probably wouldn't.

For the first time since arriving that day, Roy smiled. "Why yes it is, Hawkeye." He stood and walked over to where she sat, a light smile dancing on his face. He stopped at her desk.

Riza looked up suspiciously. "Sir?"

"Have I ever told you that you're a genius and that I could kiss you right now?"

"I think that would be-" Riza's sentence faded as Roy's lips lightly brushed her cheek. Her heart raced until the warm touch of his lips was gone. Maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt more often, especially if it ended up like that. For a moment she just sat there silently, unsure of how to react. She cleared her throat. "Sir, I think that is against policy."

"Well, the idea deserved a reward, and no one is going to know about it, are they, now, Hawkeye?" he questioned, striding back over to his desk.

She chuckled. "Of course not, Sir."

"What I thought. Well then, let's try this thing," he said.

Across the top of his desk, he threw a large, empty, white sheet of paper over the wood. He grabbed a red marker and with practiced ease drew a large, ornate design. An upside down triangle was drawn dead center with numerous swirls and circles placed around it. One large circle defined the outer edge of the transmutation circle. He placed the laptop in the center of the circle and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh before slapping his hands down on the paper.

Lights sparked and danced as the transmutation began. The computer seemed to jump randomly, lighting up to grey, then white, then another moment blue. This pattern continued a few moments with no results.

Roy took his hands off the paper, ending the transmutation and causing the sparks and lights to fade into the vast openness of the room. He gave an exasperated sigh. Seconds later his face twisted in confusion when the screen turned white and smoke began pouring from fan vents and sparks began flying from the wire ports. He made a worried sound groan. "What the…"

"Roy…" Riza said. She had ended up standing beside the desk as a bystander. "You better get out of there."

Roy groaned irritably. His breathing grew heavy and confusion changed into anger as he shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a glove, roughly pulling it over his hand. He snapped his fingers, sending a fiery blast towards the laptop. The computer burst into a fury ball of flames, verifying that its days of use were officially over. "Take that you stupid piece of technology!"

Riza shook her head. "You know you're going to have to pay for that right?"

"I. Don't. Care." Roy's breathing remained tense as he removed his glove and tersely stuffed it in back in his pocket. "I can't stand technology. It needs to stay some place far away from me. And die."

"That's lovely to hear, Sir, but that still doesn't change the fact that you just torched military property."

"What in the world is going on here?"

The two froze as Fuehrer Bradley walked into the room, his face looking every ounce of the irritation they heard in his voice. The two remained speechless as he strode to the desk and looked curiously at the torched laptop. "Are you going to answer me or not? And what in the name of Alchemy happened here?" He ordered.

Riza cleared her throat, nervously. "Sorry, Sir. Colonel Mustang was having some…technical difficulties with his new laptop and as you can see," she motioned towards the scorched piece of scrap metal. "It is now a worthless piece of technology."

Bradley looked at the two suspiciously; first at Riza, then over to Roy. "Alright then. I will see to it that you get a new laptop Colonel and that it is in better condition than the previous one." He gave a salute before turning on his heel and exiting the room. Roy and Riza looked at each other and let out a heavy sigh.

"Good grief, I thought he was going to kill me. Hopefully he'll let making me pay for the damages slide," Roy muttered, tossing the laptop into a nearby trashcan. He sat down at his desk and groaned.

Bradley's strong voice echoed through the halls. "You still have to pay for that, Mustang!"

Roy's face fell as Riza shook her head and chuckled. Yep, with Roy Mustang, there was always some sort of technical difficulty.


End file.
